Author: Julie Feldman

“Your imaginary friend is in trouble!”

Published on by Julie Feldman1 Comment

To protect the identity of our daughters, my husband and I have decided not to share their names in this blog for now.  HOWEVER, I will share the name of my younger daughter’s pretend friend, Ellie, and tell you that she, at times, is a piece of work!  Our 4 year old is very much on an Ellie kick!  “Ellie and I saw that movie already.”  “Ellie and I went bowling this weekend.”  “Ellie and I played that game yesterday!”  All about Ellie.  Sometimes, however, this Ellie character doesn’t always do the right thing.  If there is food that was thrown on the floor during mealtime, Ellie did it!  If a toy accidentally hit her sister, it was Ellie!  

Now let’s pause for a minute – obviously I know that Ellie is not real and was not how the food got on the floor or how her sister accidentally got whacked with a toy.  (This isn’t about to turn into a Pixar film, I promise!)  Ellie was the scapegoat my daughter used so that she would appear innocent as things would happen.  However, if I simply chalked it up to her playing “pretend”, it would send the message that what happened is fine as long as “Ellie did it”.  I had to show my daughter that this is not okay.  So one day, when my little one was nearby, I literally pulled over an empty chair, invited “Ellie” to sit in it and turned my body to talk to her.  I explained in a stern voice to Ellie what specific behaviors are allowed in our house and that EVERYONE is treated with respect at all times – no matter what!  I told this Ellie that if she can not follow the rules of our house, then she will NOT be allowed over anymore!  Sorry Ellie, go find someone else to go pretend bowling with! Your days are numbered!

My younger daughter had a serious face as she watched this crucial conversion go down.  My older daughter had more of a smile. She was either thinking that her mother was completely nuts or she was secretly understanding my master plan (maybe a combination of the two).  However, I must say that since that super serious talk between me and a bunch of air, “Ellie” has been showing much better behavior!   

At times we may have to turn our chair like a doofus and talk to the occasional imaginary person but as always, Moms, we got this! ❤ 

Hi Moms!

Published on by Julie Feldman2 Comments

Welcome to my blog! My name is Julie and yes, as you can guess, I am a mom of two. I want to preface this by saying that I am not a childhood psychologist, a therapist or anyone who has done years and years of research on childhood development, although I do have a lot of respect for them. I am simply a mom who has figured out a thing or two along the way of raising my two daughters. I’ve given some friends parenting advice (who have asked for it) and a bunch of them have encouraged me to create a blog. While this is slightly outside my comfort zone, I’ve learned recently that that’s where true growth occurs! My hope is that this blog can help one mom, or two or maybe even ten. Parenting is a journey for sure so let’s buckle our seat belts and travel down this journey together!

“I know in my heart, that’s not true!”

Published on by Julie Feldman1 Comment

It’s hard to decide which blog will be THE first official blog post. I had a list of ideas that might make more sense chronologically or to develop a theme gradually. But this one kept jumping out at me so here goes!

I wish there was a magic wand that can make bullying and name calling disappear. But then again, I really don’t – because it creates such an opportunity to remind your children about recognizing and valuing their own worth. A few months ago, my daughter came home from school and was upset because one of her classmates said something not nice about her. I asked her if she thought that the comment that was made was true. When she said, “No”, I told her that I agree with her and that we both know that it is not true. Then I had her say out loud, “I know in my heart, that’s not true!” To hammer the idea further home and have some fun, we played a couple of “What Ifs” scenarios. We started off small with “What if someone says you are wearing a pink shirt right now?” (She was wearing a blue dress that day!). She giggled while she said she wasn’t and I reminded her to say, “I know in my heart that’s not true!” What if they say you have purple curly hair? More giggles but she was catching on and played along. “I know in my heart that’s not true!”

Then I took it up a level. “What if someone says that you are not a kind person?” I asked her how she would respond then. You know what’s next…. “I know in my heart that’s not true!” “What if they say that you are not a hard worker?” We did a few more examples but you get the idea! I explained to her that when scenarios like this happen, she can say them out loud or quietly in her head but it MUST be said!!

Fast forward a few weeks, and I had a challenging mom night. You know… the ones where bath time and bedtime seem to take quadruple the amount of time that it normally takes. I started beating myself up internally. All those yucky thoughts that we say to ourselves were flowing – “I’m not a great mom, I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t have it all together, etc.” After my girls were FINALLY asleep (for real) that night, I went in my bedroom, took a deep breath and reminded myself that “I know in my heart, that’s not true!” ❤

Moms, we got this!